The Bride/Groom Difference

The time has come. As the newly engaged bride-to-be, a tornado in your head is spinning 110mph. What color of dresses for my bridesmaids? Wait a minute..who are my bridesmaids? Ouch- I suppose 27 of them is out of the question? Forget bridesmaids, what about the cake? Raspberry filling? No mom's allergic. etc., etc. On his mind? Football season starts next week. Tailgate party 10am. What? Johnson? Sprained ankle? The season hasn't even started yet! You get the picture.
The first stage of the planning process is when this "difference" will first come to light. The sooner you come to grips with this reality, the better off you will both be.

Advice for the initial planning stages

Bride- Cut him some slack. Don't expect him to accompany you to every meeting with vendors. He has an opinion regarding some details of your wedding - location, brand of beer, reception music. Arrange these meetings around his schedule. Enlist a friend or sister to accompany you during other meetings. Wedding vendors are used to this. Celebrate the fact he doesn't have an opinion on flowers or dress fabric. Face it, you probably wouldn't be marrying him if he did.
Groom- Humor her. In the upcoming months, she will be excited and want to share every detail with you. She wants your input, make your opinions clear. Appreciate the time she is investing in planning your big event. Football has been around for decades, it will certainly be around next season. Compromise!

What to expect the week leading up to the wedding

Bride- You will undoubtedly feel overwhelmed and anxious. Picture this- it is two days before the wedding, your already on the verge of a breakdown, you notice your future husband is grabbing his keys and heading for the door. The scenario continues:
"'And just where are you going?"
"Joe's house"
"YOUR WHAT?"
"I told him I'd help him work on his Mustang"
Through bridal tears, "It is two days before our wedding. There are a zillion things to do and your going to work on a car?"
"What would you like me to do?"
"Nothing. Absolutely nothing! Just go!"
Now before you lock yourself in the bathroom with a bottle of wine, remember, men and women are different. In his naive way, he thinks he is getting out of your hair. If you need him to do something - tell him clearly.
Secondly, everybody handles stress differently. He may have college buddies in town, his way of relaxing may be to hang out and socialize. Remember, birdseed separated into individual containers is not important to him. What is important to him, is that he is marrying you and would be just as happy if the ceremony were in a garage.
Groom- At times you will feel like an "errand boy". My advice- Suck it up! She has put a great deal of preparation into this event, help her all you can. Be conscious of time, if you say you will be back in an hour, be back in an hour. Answer your cell phone. The quickest way to have a hysterical bride on your hands is to go MIA for a few of hours during the week of your wedding. Remind yourself, all this hoopla is for you!

Most importantly-

Take a "time-out" together. It is important to remove yourselves from the chaos and take some "together time". A few years ago, I was working with a couple who were having an outdoor wedding. Friends and family were meeting the day before the ceremony to help set up at the location. Needless to say, between pushy family, a hangover, and the overall excitement , the bride was about to snap. I realized this and immediately "kidnapped" her and the groom and took them to a scenic area with an old fence. Just far enough away to enjoy some tranquility, but close enough so they could see the circus of family and friends. They sat on the fence as I took some candid black and white photos of them watching (and laughing) at the chaos before them. The bride later revealed, those moments were among her most memorable. And the pictures? A framed reminder of a special time.